The Path to Greatness
11 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
I was talking to…well I might as well call him my producer yesterday. I asked him if he had to pick a song that described him, the essence of him what song would it be? He then asked me that same question and I told him Let the Rain by Sara Bareilles. I chose this song because the words just really fit the essence of me, at least at this point in my life.
I am quickly approaching my 25th birthday and I must say I feel excited for the next 25 years but also a little nervous about what is next on my winding path of life. I know my path is leading to something amazing, I just wonder how long is this winding road and why can’t I see anything but what right in front of me? I can kind of predict what maybe coming ahead, sort of like a mirage but what obstacles lie in my path.
Just turned on Jill Scott’s new CD and the first song is So Blessed and my whole everything changes up. Life is challenge, yes, but I am so Blessed truly. I have a place to stay food to eat and GOD given talents. Wow my whole persective on things just changed.
Music is so powerful. I hope to do amazing things with it as well as writing and cousneling. But I will carve out a unique to use them all. My dreams are too big to stay dreams. My talents are GOD-given so they are an intricate part of my purpose for being here.
I am on the path to greatness because I learn from my obstacles, grow from my flaws and flourish in my talents.
The Darkness
06 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
I fear being great but I can’t stand the darkness.
I long for perfection but my soul is haunted
With my many down trodden days
GOD help me through this consuming haze
It is YOUR JOY that I cling to
And with my FAITH IN YOU
I will make it through
Settling and Compromise
18 May 2011 Leave a Comment
in Change, love, perfect, self, settling
I was typing a paper last night and one of my exes called. I enjoy talking to him lately because he is sweet and encouraging and a girl needs that from time to time. The conversation was going great. Easy going as it always has been between us. We then began to play around with the idea of getting back together. Interesting idea, yet I had a little twinge of anxiety when talking about because I remembered how it ended. But that was 7 years ago so I figure a person can completely change in 7 years, right? We continued to talk and we began sort of talking about our pasts. I am an open book. I am not afraid of my experiences and therefore I have no problems with sharing them. He on the other hand did not want to hear about certain experiences of mine that were in the past.
I understand not dwelling in the past and moving forward but at what cost to getting to know a person. When trying to get to know a person again what should be kept in the closet and what should definitely be talked about.
I know when he told me there were certain things he would rather not know, I felt kind of caged for some reason. I asked him, are you afraid of seeing me in a negative light? He told me when I look at you I do not want to see your past but I want to see you and the good things. I immediately thought you can not take the worst of me, you don’t deserve the best of me and yet I longed for his attention, his validation, his adoration of me.
Can someone know everything about you, flaws and all and still love you as if you are an unblemished calf?
I dont know. I do know that as I learn to appreciate and love myself more and more, I begin to accept my flaws and my past more and more and I find it hard for me to see myself with someone who can bask in my light but cowards in my darkness.
I would like to believe I accept people for who they are and love them just the same. I believe that comes from a place of wanting to be loved and accepted even though I am an imperfect person.
Does accepting an imperfect person mean you stop pushing a person to be better?
No.
But does pushing a person to be better means that they will be perfect
No.
Interesting things to ponder on…
Who am I?
13 May 2011 Leave a Comment
I was walking across my familar grass, looking at my familar favorite tree. And wondering why I all of a sudden didn’t feel the same. I didnt feel like me. I felt older.
Different
Better.
Different.
Empowered.
Different.
Encouraged.
Different.
Afraid.
Different.
Different.
Different.
I have always hated change. I have fallen in love with the familar. I think it is because my beginnings were so dynamic.
So constantly changing
I began to equate change with pain
Wow that is an interesting connection
I suppose I am changing because I am getting older and the more I add to my experiences, the more I change.
Experience = change = pain
Sometimes I want to just curl up in a tight ball and hold myself
comfort = stability = happiness
I wish I could embrace change but instead I run from what is destine to be
Didnt know I was such a storng coward
Same Thing, Different Day
06 May 2011 1 Comment
I always fall for his type. the mysterious, quiet, intelligent guy with trouble connecting with women that actually care deeply for them. Why do I do that? What is it about me that constantly wants to figure dudes out, build them up only to be disappointed by their moving on from me, the one who was there when they were invisible. I feel that I am there with a guy now and I hate it but I am so invested now that I want to see them reach their full potential. *sigh* I told my homeboy I give too much. He asked me “Why”? I sat and thought for a minute. I finally told him that I want to see people reach their full potential and that I don’t want to be invisible. He then proceeds to give me a basic answer( I am still working on him). I am attracted to those who seem to be invisible because a lot of times I feel invisible. This was a rather deep realization. I was talking to another homeboy of mine and I came up with the theory, ” we are attracted to who we want to be but we attract who we are”.
Who I just figured something out. I build guys up to be what I am attracted to but what I am attracted to is not attracted to me. Wow that is wow.
Maybe I should build people up not for my benefit but rather for the benefit of solely themselves.
That is something to ponder on…
ARGGGGGHHHHHHH
22 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment
Hello World,
This past semester by far as been the most challenge semester of my collegiate career. I have been tested in every single area and I have succeed with only minor injuries. As I type this I feel anxiety rising in my chest because I have to redo my final counseling video. I know this is where GOD wants me to be, at least for right now. Failing that video made me doubt myself in every way yet I was still 100% sure that this is where GOD wants me to be.
I suppose I thought it would be comfortable being where I am supposed to be, but honestly it is the most uncomfortable. I have to resist my urge of just running away from it all daily. As I pack my bags, spin my globe and think of a random place to runaway to, a quiet knowing voice inside of me says, “you can not run away from you and you can not escape your destiny.
ARRGGGGGHHHH
Frustration.
But I am happy that I am experiencing the pain of growth instead of the pain of regret. I am glad that I gaining wisdom in the struggles instead of frolicking as a fool in folly.
Pain is weakness leaving the body
Peace is from GOD
Purpose is what anchors me in reality
HIS grace and mercy is what keeps me
“Placed in the fire so that all the impurities can be burn off so Jesus can see his image in me”
Like Water
16 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment
I am like the water
I am not meant to stay in one place
I am not meant to be confined into one talent one ability one destiny
but rather I am meant to be flexible and ever flowing
steady and rough simultaneously
I meant to fulfill people’s needs as well as be a vessel of joy
I am as soft as a constant drip and eventually I can wear away a piece of metal
When ships of disaster are sinking on me, I can consume them to the point in which you never knew the ship was ever on my smooth straight surface
I am like water, dynamic and ever-changing
